Just in case my instinct is right, and you are thinking of other lovely men, can I caution you against the bombastic bon viveur, a tempting character, I know, when you are long-term hitched and displays of unmitigated enthusiasm are thin on the ground. You describe your partner as "one of the loveliest men" and I keep getting stuck on the "one of". It could just be me: I'm suspicious of extremes, and your ebullience is causing me concern. As someone so focused on the bright side, I'm sure that's already occurred to you. On a more positive note, you may be hitched to Mr Grumpy but you've lucked out on the in-laws not a single one worthy of ducking behind a pot plant to avoid a chance encounter with. "What's not to love?" you ask about friends and family – and I'd happily be specific, but there just isn't enough space on the page. You only seem to see the downside when it's your beloved. Perhaps, ironically, it's your capacity for extreme happiness that's driven your partner to the opposite extreme. Inhabiting the same space as someone so unrelentingly jocular, who unilaterally loves life, must be pretty exhausting. Joy acts like a trampoline, everything that touches it bouncing right back off it. It may sound mean-spirited, but while none of us fancies cohabiting with the Grinch, at least misery gives you something to work with. So what about you? You really do love the universe and all who reside there you even ended your email to me with kisses! Are you a bit profligate with your affections? What do you hold back for those you really love or, like increasing swathes of mankind, does the milk of your human kindness surge out among your "network", making no distinction between cyber and flesh-and-blood friends? Agony aunts, too, can experience irrational prejudices. I admit goodness tends to bring out the worst in me.
Such displays of heavenly virtue are guaranteed to send a sane person hurtling into the arms of any passing misanthrope. Mariella replies Are you for real? I had to have a little lie-down after reading your letter, I was so exhausted by the tsunami of goodwill. Trust me, I try to be the understanding spouse, but sometimes it gets me so down I want to run away.We both know so many positive, lovely people, and it is a real treat to have them in our lives, but I don't understand why he feels this way.
We have a great life, great friends and family – what's not to love? I am a positive person, I enjoy life, but sometimes I feel like I'm in a bubble and he doesn't get me or what I am. I am younger than he is by a few years, but I don't understand the negativity and the propensity to think that life really is a crock. I love him and he is one of the loveliest men I know, but he can't seem to live in the moment.
Everything is about mortality and ageing, traffic, too many friends coming over, will we make our flight etc. He is a lovely man but a negative person, and I don't understand it. The dilemma I have been living with my partner for 22 years.
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